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Mediation is a process by which couples who have decided to separate or to divorce, attempt, with the help of their Mediator, with whom they jointly work, to agree upon the issues arising from their separation or the dissolution of their marriage, in a non-adversarial way.

The parties to the Mediation Process, with the help of their Mediator, negotiate their own terms of settlement on property and financial issues, and, if they have children, are encouraged and assisted in reaching an agreement on issues relating to their children.

Couples who seek to resolve the practical and financial issues which arise from their separation through the Mediation Process are not discouraged from consulting their separate Solicitors for independent legal advice. Each party to the Mediation Process may wish to consult his/her own Solicitor before engaging in the mediation process; or at different stages throughout the process. Once an agreement has been reached, each party will be free to consult his/her own Solicitor to deal with and advise upon the formal legal documentation needed to give effect to the agreement arrived at during the Mediation Process.

If, after engaging in the Mediation Process, the couple wish to initiate Divorce Proceedings (if married) on their own, their Mediator can advise them, and assist them by preparing the paperwork which can then be lodged with the court by them.

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How does the Mediation process operate?

A Mediator does not act for one or other of the parties, in the way that their separate Solicitors do.

The Mediator is not there to take sides.

She is totally impartial.

The Mediator works at all times with the couple, together, (never with one or the other) in identifying the key issues which arise from their separation. Those issues may include, for example: how the home is to be dealt with; how the other assets (whether separately or jointly owned) are to be dealt with; how their respective pension funds are to be divided; how any joint business arrangements should be dealt with; how any issues of spouse maintenance or child support should be resolved; how the respective pension provisions of divorcing couples should be fairly resolved/dealt with; and how parenting and contact arrangements with the children of the family should be dealt with.

A Mediator works with and for both of you, in helping you to reach agreements that will enable both of you to put the past behind you, and concentrate on the future for yourselves, and, if you have children, for your family.

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What issues can be dealt with through Mediation?

Your Mediator can be asked to deal with all of the issues which arise from your separation, or with specific issues only.

Some couples, for example, are able to reach an agreement between themselves, or through their Solicitors, upon the financial issues arising from their separation, but cannot agree upon the issues relating to their children. Other couples may be in complete agreement about arrangements for their children, but cannot agree upon the property and financial issues.

The Mediator will deal only with those issues on which the couple jointly seek her assistance.

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Will we need to disclose details of our financial positions?

Yes. Couples who seek the Mediator's assistance in negotiating the terms of a financial settlement will need to be prepared to give full and frank disclosure of their financial positions.

Each of the parties to the Mediation Process will be asked to complete schedules giving details of their income, assets, liabilities and outgoings.

Documentary evidence will need to be produced to verify those details. Where appropriate, it may be necessary for independent valuations to be obtained in respect of some of the assets.

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How are the terms of an agreement reached?

It is not the MediatorÍs role to impose an agreement upon you. Rather, the Mediator will work with you in identifying the available income and assets, and then assisting you in negotiating an agreement with which you are both content. That way, the agreement is yours, rather than one which the Court imposes on you, or one which one or the other of you may feel has been forced upon you by the other, or his/her Solicitor.

As and when you have reached terms of settlement which are acceptable to you both, your Mediator draws up a Memorandum of Understanding, reflecting the agreements reached by you both, and the background financial information upon which these agreements are based.

Each of you is then free to take that Memorandum to your respective Solicitors, so that the agreements reached between you can be converted into a legally binding agreement or Consent Order.

If you wish to treat the Memorandum of Understanding as morally (rather than legally) binding upon yourselves, and do not wish to pursue matters further, you are free to do so. However, you need to bear in mind that the Memorandum of Understanding will not be a legally binding agreement, and each of you will be free to seek the advice of your independent Solicitors before the agreement, mutually reached, is converted into a legally binding agreement, if that is your wish.

As part of the Memorandum of Understanding, your Mediator will produce a summary of the financial information disclosed by each of you, together with a summary of the rationale behind the decision(s) reached between you „ so that this can be made available to your respective Solicitors (if you elect to consult them), or can be retained by you for your own use.

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What will it cost us?

Your Mediator will see you both together, for sessions of about two hours at a time. Some clients - especially those who travel from London, or longer distances, elect to meet for longer sessions - which can be arranged to suit their needs/convenience. Each session will be charged at the rate of £175 per hour. There is no VAT payable on these fees. In certain circumstances, where clients are not able to visit their Mediator during normal working hours, i.e. between 10.00am to 6.00pm, evening meetings may be arranged. However, fees incurred during the evening - from 6.00 pm onwards - will be charged at the increased rate of £190 per hour. The fees will be payable at the end of each session, and we will ask you to share the charges between you in a way agreed upon at your initial consultation. Fees are payable, please, by cheque only.

Because the fees are shared between you, you will not each be incurring separate fees in the way that would be the case if matters were dealt with in the ñadversarialî way. By endeavouring to work together, with your Mediator, rather than against each other, the considerable costs of litigation are avoided, so that the overall costs incurred should be very much lower than would normally be the case.

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How long will the Mediation process take?

This will depend upon the complexity of the issues to be resolved. However, because matters are resolved by way of discussion, the Mediation Process is a very much faster one than the traditional process, with the result that settlements and agreements can be reached over a period of weeks or months rather than „ as can prove the case „ a matter of years - hence: a saving in terms of TIME, COSTS, and STRESS.

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Is Mediation suitable for us?

Mediation will not be suitable for all couples.

If you have not yet reached the conclusion that your relationship or marriage has broken down irretrievably, you would be best advised to seek marriage guidance or other counselling. (Your Mediator will have counselling skills, but is not a Marriage Guidance Counsellor, and while she will, where appropriate, always encourage couples to give consideration to the possibilities of reconciliation - if this appears to be a realistic possibility - or is desired by one or other of the clients consulting her - this is not her rªle as a mediator).

If, however, you have jointly reached the decision that your relationship has broken down irretrievably, and you are both prepared to work together, with a Mediator, to agree upon your own terms of settlement and/or reach agreement on parenting issues, then mediation should assist you in reaching your objectives as speedily and as amicably as possible.

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What are the advantages of Mediation?

1. It is non-adversarial. There are no 'winners' or 'losers' in Mediation. You avoid the lengthy and expensive process of litigating through Solicitors and/or the Court in the traditional way.

2. It is mutual. You remain partners in the decision making. There is no agreement other than one which is mutually agreed upon between you both. Nothing is imposed upon you, either by the Mediator, or by the Court. The only agreements reached are those which you, with your Mediator's help, reach between yourselves.

3. You control your own decisions over your own lives. Because the only agreements reached are those which you reach together, you, rather than the Court, or a third party, take control over your futures, and those of your children.

4. You concentrate on the future rather than the past. Your Mediator will not seek to look into the reasons or rights and wrongs behind the breakdown of your relationship, but will encourage you to focus on the future rather than the past, and to develop new and separate lives, while,  if you have children, maintaining good working relationships as parents of those children.

5. It is best for your children. Your children will, inevitably, be affected by your separation. However, since the Mediation Process encourages parents to resolve their differences and reach agreements upon all matters relating to their separation in a dignified and constructive way, and with the interests of the children as paramount, your children are likely to be less adversely affected by your separation, and more likely to come to terms with it, if decisions which relate to them are reached in a constructive and non-adversarial way „ and without decisions being imposed upon you and them by the Court.

6. Bitterness is reduced. Because the only agreements reached are those which you arrive at yourselves, through the Mediation Process, you should feel more comfortable with the outcome, knowing that the agreement was reached mutually, rather than being imposed by a Court.

7. Legal fees are reduced. The costs of litigation can be very great. By seeing your Mediator, and „ where there is goodwill on both sides, reaching terms of settlement or agreement together „ the overall fees incurred between you are likely to be substantially less than those which would be incurred otherwise. The substantial savings in legal fees can be considerable, and the fees saved put towards your joint needs, such as your re-housing costs, and the costs of maintaining/educating your children.

8. Mediation avoids the stress and bitterness which traditional litigation inevitably produces, for you and for any children of the family.

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How do my partner and I engage in the Mediation process?

Mediation is offered to couples (who are married/separated/or cohabiting) who approach SHG Mediation Services seeking to resolve matters through Mediation, via Lawyer/Mediator Stephanie Hollidge-Goode.

During the time that she practised as a solicitor (she was formerly a partner with Downie & Gadban, Solicitors, of Alton, Hampshire), Stephanie Hollidge-Goode gained wide experience over more than 16 years in many and varied aspects of the law. Prior to retiring as a Solicitor at the end of 1999, in order to practise full-time as a Lawyer/Family Mediator, she gained long and specialist experience in dealing with all matters arising between divorcing and separating couples. Although, when practising as a Solicitor, she specialised in Family Law, her experience over 16 years as a General Practitioner enables her to utilise and draw upon, for the benefit of separating couples „ her wide experience of the theory and practice of the Law in those areas which need often to be addressed, such as: dealing with Family Companies; dealing with business partnerships; employment matters; the sale and purchase of properties; taxation matters; Wills and Family Trusts, and so on.

Stephanie Hollidge-Goode B.Ed.(London)(Hons), M.C.F.M., undertook training as a Lawyer Mediator under the late Professor John Haynes Ph.D, who was generally held to be a leading authority on Mediation and Alternative Dispute Resolution. She is a Member of the Solicitors' Family Law Association, and the Family Mediators' Association.

She is also a Full Member of the U.K. College of Family Mediators, and a Solicitors' Family Law Association trained Mediator.

She is committed to the Mediation Process as an alternative for those couples who seek to work together with her towards resolving issues arising from their separation or divorce, prior to or after their separation, in a mutually constructive and non-adversarial way, and one designed to enable couples to maintain dignity, fairness and goodwill both during and after the period of separation.

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Where should we go from here?

If you and your partner/spouse are interested in discussing how the Mediation Process may help you, Stephanie Hollidge-Goode offers a Free Initial Half Hour Consultation so that she can discuss jointly with you how and whether Mediation may be appropriate for you.

That consultation, as with all consultations, will be conducted in complete confidence.

Consultations take place in relaxing country surroundings in the Mediation Suite of Stephanie Hollidge-Goode's home, just outside the village of Hawkley in Hampshire.æ Hawkley is easily accessible by car and is shown on the map. The nearest train stations, served by Waterloo and other main stations, are Liss or Petersfield (5 minutes or 10 minutes away by car respectively).

If, following upon that initial consultation, you both decide that you wish to engage in the Mediation Process, Mrs. Hollidge-Goode will agree with you those areas upon which you seek Mediation. Since all the decision making is yours, rather than your MediatorÍs, you decide upon those issues which need to be resolved; and how frequently you wish to meet jointly with your Mediator to discuss them. No pressure is put on you, since you work together to arrive at agreements and decisions. Nothing is forced upon you.

The aim of your Mediator will be to assist you in reaching an agreement with which you are both content, as soon as is reasonably possible, but the length of time which the Mediation Process takes will depend largely upon yourselves, and the complexity of the issues involved.

If you jointly decide, after the initial free consultation, to go ahead with the Mediation Process, you will be asked jointly to enter into an Agreement for Mediation, a sample of which will be made available to you prior to your initial consultation.

That agreement will incorporate, for example, your joint acceptance throughout the Mediation Process, to work together in a spirit of goodwill towards reaching agreements in a fair and co-operative way,æ and one which considers your joint needs, as well as your individual needs „ and, if you have children, the needs of the family as a whole.

Where property or financial issues are involved, you will be asked to agree to make full and frank disclosure of your respective financial positions, and to provide to your Mediator and (through her) to your partner, all supporting documentation in support of your financial position.æ

Either party to the Mediation process may terminate the process at any time. Equally, if either party is unwilling to adhere, at any stage in the process, to work with the other or the Mediator in accordance with the initial agreement reached, e.g. by being reluctant to make full and frank disclosure of his or her financial position, your Mediator will be obliged to terminate the process.

If you and your partner/spouse are interested in discussing the Mediation process, kindly telephone Stephanie Hollidge-GoodeÍs P.A., Jenny Aslett, who will be pleased to arrange a free initial consultation for you both or to send you our free brochure, explaining how mediation may be able to help you. If Jenny is not in her office, please leave a message on the anserphone and she oe Stephanie Hollige-Goode will return your call, as soon as she is available.

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You can also write to Stephanie Hollidge-Goode by fax on 01420 538508,
or by e-mail to enquiries@mediation-services.co.uk